Maps
by abbycadabby
Summary: Bella lost her mother in a car crash ten years ago. Bella blames herself, and finds release in cutting. She meets Edward, a kind and compassionate man, and falls in love. Can Edward save Bella from sinking deeper into the darkness? All Human.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: This is my first attempt at fanfiction. Please be gentle, and review!! The subject matter may disturb some readers.**

Prologue:

I never liked slumber parties. My best friend, Alice Brandon, was having one tonight, and I really didn't want to go. But my mom, being the social butterfly that she was, insisted. "Get out there and socialize with girls your own age, Bella! It will be fun," she argued. I grudgingly agreed.

Mom dropped me off at Jessica's, kissed my cheek, and told me she would be there tomorrow to pick me up. I trudged up the stairs to Jessica's door, which flew open before I'd even had the chance to knock. Alice stood at the entryway, bouncing with excitement. "Bella! You're here! C'mon, let's go downstairs!" Alice pulled me downstairs and I was soon immersed into a world of makeup, truth or dare, and pillow fights.

At about 11 pm, I was spent. I really just wanted to go home. Alice was trying her best to convince me to stay overnight, but I refused. Finally, she relented, and I made my way to her phone. I dialed. "Hello?" A gruff voice answered.

"Hi, Dad, it's Bella. Can Mom come and get me from Alice's now? I want to come home."

"Sure thing, Bells. I'll send her on her way." I could hear protesting from my mom in the background, but Charlie ignored her and said, "Be ready in 15. Love you."

I hung up the phone and told Alice. She pouted at me, but eventually gave me a hug goodbye and headed back downstairs. I sat on the couch in front of the big bay window in her living room, and waited. And waited. About an hour later, I saw the police cruiser screech to a halt in front of the house. Charlie must have decided to pick me up instead. I walked out to the car, opened the door, and then saw the look on my father's panic-stricken face.

"Dad? What's-"

"Your mom is in the hospital, Bella. Let's go, it's not looking too good."

Charlie reached across me and shut my door, ordered for me to put on my seatbelt, and then sped all the way to the hospital. We sat in the waiting room for 4 hours, waiting for news about my mom. Charlie explained to me that she had left right after I had called, and was on the backroads that led to Alice's house when a semi came around the corner, swaying all over the road. At the last minute, she had to swerve off the road, leading her car into a bank full of very large trees. I immediately began feeling guilt for calling, but I didn't tell Charlie, knowing he would tell me "it's not your fault". It WAS my fault.

About 2 hours after that conversation, a weary looking doctor came out and sat next to us. "You're Renee Swan's family?" He asked. We both nodded.

He took a deep breath and looked at Charlie. "I am really sorry to inform you that even though we did everything we could, we could not save your wife."

Charlie looked at the doctor in shock for about 5 seconds, and then pulled me towards him. He was crying. Charlie never cried. I began to cry to, knowing that she was gone, and it was all my fault.

* * *

10 years later, I found myself laying in bed, in the apartment I shared with Alice, going over that night in my head. Charlie's heartbroken look. Charlie calling family and friends and telling them the news. Me, sitting in on our sofa in the front room, silent and unemotional, knowing it was, and would always be, all my fault that my mom was no longer alive.

I tugged open my nightstand, and looked for the little tin I kept at the bottom. I opened it. There was an old grocery list, the last one my mom had ever written, tucked inside, alongside her favorite pearl necklace. I picked those up out of the tin, and found what I was really looking for. Sharp and shiny, I held it up and stared. I sighed, and pulled down my pajama bottoms, exposing my thigh. I examined the "decorations" I had already made there. Breathing quickly, I lowered the sharp razor to my thigh and pressed it against my skin. I welcomed the distraction of pain. I began dragging it across my pale skin, soon seeing the scarlet red that was my release.

I felt relief, and soon after soundless tears began streaming slowly down my cheeks.

**A/N: Bella self-mutilates. I used to. So if you feel lost, please get help. Things will get better, they did for me. REVIEW! Tell me if I suck or not.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to the awesome MrsJasperHale08, who is helping me make this story not suck. Please review!!!! **

I woke up the next morning to a loud banging. Sighing, I rolled out of bed, feeling the throb of last night's extra-curricular activity in my leg as I stood. Intending to open the door with a scowl, I found myself smiling as Alice stood in my doorway, bouncing up and down rapidly.

"Can I help you?" I said, trying to inject as much venom as I could into my voice.

"We're going SHOPPING!" Alice exclaimed.

"Al, we went shopping last week," I argued. "What could you possibly need that you didn't get on our last trip?"

"A dress. The fall formal at school is in 2 days, and I haven't gotten anything, and neither have you," she stated.

I knew that there was no point in arguing with her, so I grumbled, "Give me a half hour to shower," and shut my door. I still couldn't believe that I had let her convince me to go. Bella plus dancing usually equaled disaster. But that damn pixie had a way with me, and it was hard to say no to her.

True to my word, 30 minutes later I stood in the doorway, clad in yoga pants and my favorite University of Washington sweatshirt, with my wet hair thrown into a messy bun. Alice blew through the doorway, and I reluctantly followed.

We pulled into the mall parking lot. I took a deep breath, knowing it was going to be a long day. "I'm thinking a deep blue, maybe royal," she said.

"For you?" I asked.

"No, Bella! For you. I can't imagine a better color on you!"

I rolled my eyes at her. She was constantly trying to get me to be more girly, but I usually rebelled and ended up in skinny jeans and my favorite Chucks. I would let this one go, because it made my best friend happy, which in turn made me sort of happy.

Five hours later, Alice was carrying five bags, and I was carrying one. She had chosen a simple dress for me, royal blue, with a sweetheart neckline. She convinced me to buy 2 silver cuffs, one for each wrist. Those were necessary, I had deemed, because I would rather not have people seeing the maps of my pain scarred across my wrist. Alice knew I had engaged in such activities, but did not know that I continued, albeit in a more private place. Whenever her eye caught the permanent marks I had inflicted upon myself, a little crease would appear between her eyebrows, but she would never say anything. She knew my pain, and didn't want to remind me of it. She loved me like a sister, and I felt bad that I was deceiving her. I loved Alice; I didn't want to cause her any more pain because of my decisions, so I had resolved to keep it to myself. And I would. As long as I could.

We dropped our bags at home and decided to go out for a drink. It had been a long day, and a mug of beer sounded extremely inviting. We headed to Midnight Sun, our favorite spot, and settled into our usual spot, in the corner, but with a full view of the room.

I was halfway through my second mug of Killian's when I heard Alice gasp. "Who, in the name of all the sexiest men in the world, is that?"

I turned to where she was looking, the entrance, and saw a tall, blond man. Maybe 6'2'', if I was to guess. But I wasn't paying attention to the blond that made Alice turn in to a pile of girly goo in front of me. About a foot behind him, a shock of bronze hair caught my eye. I let my eyes travel down, and found myself looking upon maybe the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was tall, lean, and fuck, he was gorgeous. I sat there, ogling the man, when I felt a spark. I snapped my eyes back up to his face, and found that Gorgeous Man was looking me right in the eyes. I quickly dropped my gaze, looking back to Alice, who was obviously having an internal argument. She said a quick, "I'll be right back," and flounced over to the tall, blonde man. About 3 minutes later Alice came skipping back to the table. "Bella, meet Jasper and Edward," she said.

I looked up, and once again saw Gorgeous Man staring right into my eyes. I unconsciously tugged at the sleeves of my sweatshirt, and whispered a quick hello. "I've invited them to sit with us, is that all right, B?" Alice looked worried.

I enthusiastically nodded, hoping that it made me look like less of a social idiot. Jasper, the blonde man, slid in the booth opposite me, and before Edward could sit, Alice quickly sat next to him. Edward looked at me questioningly until I nodded and he slid into my booth. "I'm Edward Cullen," he said, giving me a tentative smile.

"Bella Swan," I replied, surprised that I could still be slightly coherent.

Edward said something under his breath that I didn't quite catch, then quickly blushed. I was about to ask him what he said when I overheard the end of Alice's sentence, "...it's in two days, but neither one of us have dates yet!"

I shot a glare in her direction, but was only met with Alice sticking her tongue out at me in response. "Two beautiful ladies such as yourselves have no dates? I find that hard to believe," Jasper said.

"It's true!" Alice exclaimed.

Edward cleared his throat beside me, and I looked over at him. "Jazz, I think we should make sure that Alice and Bella have dates," he said with a crooked smile on his face, He turned to me, and I couldn't help but laugh at the puppy-dog eyes he was making. "Would you do me the honor of letting me escort you to your fall formal?" he asked with an exaggerated politeness, crooked smile in full force.

I snorted at him. "Yes, Edward, that's fine."

Alice and Jasper began making plans for the guys picking us up, and dinner before the formal. Edward tapped his fingers on the table, then asked, "So Bella, what do you major in?"

"Literature," I replied. "Are you still a student, or...?"

"I graduated last year; I work as a developer at a video game company," he answered.

"Edward Cullen, are you a gaming nerd?" I laughed.

"Proudly. I'll turn you into one, you just watch," he said mischievously.

I blushed. I liked that he was talking like that. It made him sound like he wanted to stick around for a while. Before I could respond, Alice interrupted. "Bella, we have to go. Early classes tomorrow, remember?"

I swore inwardly, cursing my idiocy for having a 8 AM class on a Friday.

Edward and Jasper walked us out to Alice's yellow Porsche. After exchanging numbers, I went to let myself into the car, but Edward's hand shot forward and opened the door. I blushed again as he placed a quick kiss on my cheek, and looked up to see that he was blushing too. "See you Saturday, Bella," he said, and shut the door.

I looked over at Alice, who was smiling at me. I rolled my eyes at her and said, "Let's go home."

Alice put the car in drive and we sped home, eager for Saturday to come.

**A/N: Ooooh, Bella's got a date! Next chapter may take a couple days. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: A huge thank you to MrsJasperHale08 for being so awesome.**

**I forgot this in the last two chapters so: I DO NOT own this story. It's Stephenie Meyer's. I just take the characters and screw them up. Enjoy. =)  
**

Saturday morning, Alice burst in to my room, a whirlwind of black spiky hair and electric energy. "Bells, get up! It's noon already, and I need to get you ready!" she trilled, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Alice, Edward and Jasper won't be here until six. Do you really need six hours to 'beautify' me?" I groaned. The look she gave me after told me, yes, she did. I pulled myself out of bed and headed directly for the kitchen. The coffee was already made, thank God, so I poured myself a cup and added in my favorite french vanilla creamer. I sat on the couch and nodded at Alice, gesturing that she should get to work. She immediately got out her mani-pedi kit and attacked my feet. A little crease came between her eye when she saw a thick scar on my ankle, but otherwise she was cheerful.

Five hours and thirty minutes later, I found myself standing in front of the mirror, appraising Alice's work. She had blown out my hair, giving it a little bit of curl, and put mascara and eyeliner on me, but otherwise kept it simple, how I liked to be. The blue dress fit snugly, but flared out a bit at the hips. She had decided on silver flats for my shoes, because she knew all too well that my clumsiness did not improve with the wearing of high heels. The cuffs did their job, looking pretty and delicate but covering up the scars. I took a deep breath and glanced at the mirror again and found Alice's nervous reflection. "Good job, Al," I praised.

She squealed and gave me a hug, and then said, "Well, how do I look?"

She looked amazing. Alice was smaller than me, but still managed to have awesome curves for a girl so small. She was wearing a black mini dress, strapless, with black spiky heels, that looked like they could take an eye out. Her hair was still in her signature spiky do, but she had added a sparkly red clip with a small bow on the side. Her eyes were smoky, and what I liked to call "sex eyes". I smiled. "You look totally hot," I said sincerely. She clapped her hands like a little cheerleader. I rolled my eyes.

I was at my computer, listening to The Velvet Underground and checking my Facebook when the doorbell rang. I closed my laptop and walked up to Alice, who had the door open and was talking to the guys, inviting them in. "Hello, Bella," a velvet voice said. I looked up and found a pair of deep green eyes looking at me. I blushed and looked down. Edward took his finger and lifted my face back up. "You look beautiful," he complimented, then smiled.

"Um, thanks," I stammered. "You too. Wait—I meant that you look handsome." _Handsome?? Was I stuck in the 1950's or something? _

Before I could go lock myself in the bathroom in embarrassment, Edward chuckled and took my arm in his. Jasper followed suit, grabbing Alice's hand and leading us out the door into the chilly night. I shivered, cursing Alice for only giving me a thin wrap to wear over my dress. Edward noticed, and took off his tux jacket and draped it over my shoulders. I smiled in thanks. We walked up Edward's silver Volvo, and I claimed front seat while Alice and Jasper climbed into the backseat.

We stopped for dinner, and then arrived at the formal at 8:15. We found a table in the far corner, where I immediately sat down, arms crossed. Edward looked at me curiously. "I don't dance." I said, pouting. He laughed, and picked me up out of the chair. "Oh, yes you do. At least with me."

He ignored my grumbling and pulled me out to the dance floor, where "Keep on Loving You" by REO Speedwagon was playing. I snorted when I recognized the song, and Edward exclaimed, "Don't diss the Speedwagon!" I blushed and looked down, only to once again have Edward pull my head back up towards him. "Don't hide from me," he begged.

We began dancing, and Edward began asking me questions. "What's your favorite book?" he asked.

"Well, I used to say Pride and Prejudice. But now, it's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies," I answered.

"No shit?! You've read that? It's my favorite too!" he said, laughing. After the song ended, we sat back down and I asked, "What's your favorite video game?"

"Left for Dead 2. Hands down," he answered confidently.

"I like that one too. It doesn't hurt that one of the characters looks and sounds like Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince," I agreed. "But my favorite is Halo 2. Classic, and awesome."

Edward was staring at me, his eyes pleased. I squirmed a bit. "Can we step outside? I need a smoke," I said. He nodded and followed me out. I pulled my pack of Parliaments out of my purse and lit one, then looked back at Edward. "You know, Alice is going to kill me for smoking in front of you." He laughed and pulled out his own cigarettes. "Don't worry about it; we all have our habits."

For most of the night, we sat outside, smoking and talking. I leaned my head against his shoulder, and his arm wrapped around my waist. I checked my cell phone. It was eleven. I sighed and stood up. "Alice is probably looking for us," I began. Edward nodded, and pulled me closer to him. My breathing sped, and before I could stop myself, I crushed my lips to his. He responded enthusiastically, knotting his fingers into my hair. His tongue darted out, and I brought mine out to meet his. I felt like it had only been seconds when I heard someone clearing their throat. I turned around and saw Alice and Jasper standing in the doorway, Jasper grinning, and Alice scowling as she saw the cigarette butts littered around us.

"We were going to go back to Alice and Bella's to play Rock Band. Did you guys want to join?" asked Jasper. I eyed Edward and he nodded, so I untangled myself from around him and we followed them out. Alice fell behind Jasper, and yanked me out of Edward's arm. "How's it going?" she asked, eyes lit up with excitement.

"Well, as you saw, pretty well, Al," I said, grinning.

We headed back to the apartment, and Alice set up the game while I shamelessly stared at Edward while he looked through my bookshelf. He hummed in approval for most, but I saw a few raised eyebrows for some, including a teenage vampire love story series. "Hey, they're good for escapism," I said, defending the books. He rolled his eyes and pulled me towards the couch, sitting down next to me and immediately wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

We began playing, and played for 3 hours until I was stifling a yawn. "We'd better get going," Jasper said. "Bella looks ready to pass out." Alice followed him out the door and I turned to face Edward. "I really hope to hang out with you again, Bella," he said. "How about tomorrow?"

I nodded and threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly to me. He pulled away and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. I handed him his tux jacket back. "Until tomorrow, then, Swan," he grinned.

**Please review and tell me if I suck. =) Thank you for favoriting, and story-alerting. It makes me feel special.  
Sorry for the wait. =/ Chapter 4 will come within the next week, I promise.  
**


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